On my last post we talked about my past going to school at PEM, but on this post I am going to be talking about the major trama in my life.

We all go through tramatic events in our lives some may not seem like they’d be so awful to anyone except the person it happened to, kind of like mine. But for me, this will forever be the absolute worse day of my life.

Growing up I wasn’t really close to my grandpa on my moms side like I am with my grandma, and I wasn’t very close to my grandma on my dads side, like I was with my grandpa.

My grandpa on my dads side was my absolute everything. He was my bestfriend, my role model, my inspiration, and my grandpa all in one. I spent so much time with him as I was growing up, I even told him that I want to marry someone just like him someday, and that him and my dad were going to walk me down the isle.

The way he carried himself with so much grace and kindness was unbelievable. He had an amazing sense of humor, a big heart, and a spirit like no other. But when I was in third grade he got diagnosed with stage 3 prostate cancer. But he never let that break who he was. He was so strong about it. Yes, he tried to get treatment to help cure it or give him at least some more time, but in the end he lost that battle.

On January 5, 2011, he passed away. I was in 4th grade at the time, in the middle of snack time, and I didn’t even know yet. But as I was sitting in snack time at 1 in the afternoon, this giant wave of sadness hit me and I started crying. I didn’t know why or what was going on I just knew that I had this feeling that my life has forever changed and not in a good way.

After school I went home, as I walked into the house pretending I was okay I saw my mom at the top of the stairs holding my guinea pig and baby blanket, my two biggest comforts when my grandpa wasn’t around. I kind of knew something was off.

As I walked up the stairs everything was quite, but then I saw my dad and one of my older brothers sitting on the couch crying and then I knew something awful must have happened because my dad never cries. I knew it was either my other older brother who was in Colorado on a snowboarding trip or my grandpa who has been in the hospital for two weeks fighting a deadly disease.

My mom had me go sit by my dad on the couch as she told me that my grandpa passed away at 1 in the afternoon today. I remember sitting there and just breaking down completely. I knew nothing was ever going to be the same ever again, I lost my everything that day and nothing will ever feel worse than that did.

We went to the hospital to see him one last time and say our final goodbyes. When I walked into his room and saw him sitting there I prayed so hard “Please wake up, this can’t be real. You can’t be gone”. I remember feeling like my heart just got ripped out of my chest. I couldn’t believe that I would never get to go on mini adventures with him again, hug him again, or hear his laugh.

As the days went on that lead to his funeral, I remember feeling so numb. I didn’t want to do anything, I had no drive except to write my speech for his funeral.

On the day of his wake over 200+ people showed up because thats how many lives he touched. I had my speech all perfected and my aunt threw me up onto a table where everyone could see me and hear me, because I was so small and only in 4th grade. I started my speech and before I was halfway through it I broke down. I gave myself sometime to calm down before I finished it. I still remember that speech by heart to this day, along with the day he died, his wake, and his funeral.

We all go through tramatic events, some worse than others and some that don’t seem that tramatic, but that day will forever be the hardest, most tramatic day of my life. He may be gone though but he will forever be with me.